10 LIFE LESSONS I LEARNED FROM LOSING A PARENT

Losing a parent—especially suddenly—alters everything you thought you knew about life, love, and yourself.
If I could write a letter to the 16-year-old girl who came home and found her father lifeless, I’d tell her this:

1) You will grow stronger than you’ve ever known yourself to be.
First things first, this pain won’t go away. However, you will grow stronger than you’ve ever known yourself to be.

2) Time truly does heal all wounds.
This shock, anger, confusion, and pain that you are currently feeling will not feel nearly as bad as it does in this very moment, I promise.

3) Sunglasses will become your best friend!
This may seem trivial, but there will be moments in the middle of the day where you will just break down crying. The sunglasses will help hide the tears and red eyes. People will just think you’re trying to be cool wearing shades all the time. Let them be your secret weapon ;)

4) You’re never alone.
Reach out to others who’ve lost a parent. It’s SO much easier to talk to people who’ve been through exactly what you’re going through. There are some great organizations and support groups. Also you can reach out to friends who may have gone through what you’re experiencing as well. They will be more than happy to talk to you.

5) Therapy is key.
Don’t doubt the power of therapy. Go, even if you may not want to, or feel like you’re ready. And if you don’t like the therapist, try another. And another. Until you find one you like. Getting to talk to someone who is professionally trained to give you objective advice is a game f*cking changer! It will change the trajectory of your life.

6) Your people will be there for you, always.
Don’t underestimate the power of a support system. Lean on your family and friends. I know you are strong and independent, but there is strength in numbers. The love you have surrounding you is more than you know. Don’t take it for granted. Accept the love and support wholeheartedly, even if you feel that they don’t truly understand your pain. They probably don’t. But they will love you, uplift you, and get you through this. Your people will be there for you, always.

7) He will always be with you.
Think about it. The words, lessons, and values he instilled in you will always be there. There will be pivotal moments and decisions you will make in your life and you will be able to count on his spirit to carry you through. Just listen. He will guide you and help you navigate life, even if he is not here physically. I promise you this.

8) Growing pains are good pains to have.
There will undoubtedly be growing pains. You are well equipped to adapt to change, and you will do it gracefully. Expect the change. Embrace the growth. That’s the only way you’re going to truly live.

9) Transparency, honesty, and communication is vital in any relationship.
Being transparent, honest, and communicating with yourself and with others will give you so much clarity in any relationship. This clarity will help you find your passion, live your truth, and in turn, attract and foster healthy and fulfilling friendships and relationships.

10) No parent is perfect; love them anyway.
As you become your own adult, you will learn that no parent is perfect, as much as you may have thought they were when you were a kid. Learn from Dad’s successes, and his mistakes. You may want to blame him for certain things that have affected your life. But these things are out of your control and there is no need to be angry about what happened in the past. All you can do is learn, and take control in your own life. And with mom, remember, it’s just you and her now. Approach your relationship with love, always. Try not to take your frustrations out on her. She will sacrifice EVERYTHING for you. I know it’s hard to put yourself in her shoes, but she also just lost her husband and is now a single parent who now has to be mother and father. Things will be different. Support one another. Your mother-daughter bond will grow even stronger. You’re all she’s got, and she’s all you got!

…And in conclusion:
And lastly, I PRAISE you. You are so unbelievably brave. I am still in awe of how strong you, a 16-year-old girl, were in that very moment when you found dad lifeless. I am still in awe of how poised you were speaking at his funeral. I am still in awe of how the next year you went away to college, traveled the world, graduated, and accomplished so, so much. I love you. I love you so much. Remember that self-love will be so important in this life. Protect it. And let it shine to the world.

Rest in paradise, Dad.

–Savanna